Pregnancy Announcement

I haven’t had the chance to properly announce this good news, not because I was lazy and life is hectic (my usual excuses, duh), but because I was contemplating if there should be a continuous update following this announcement; or should I just leave it at that. I mean, is this too personal to share? But I am sharing it anyway.

I am very pregnant. 18 weeks in, gained 8kgs in the span of 4 months, hormonal imbalance at peak and almost always hungry.

Let me tell you the story of how I found out that I was pregnant.

It was late October 2017 (just a few months ago), and my best friend Z, surprised me with her pregnancy news despite being married in September. Sheesh, you guys really work on it huh, I thought mischievously. I was overjoyed at this, and abit jealous, to tell you the truth; because Hey, who wouldn’t want a cute pudgy fingered drooling infant to play with all day long, right? I want a baby too!

Z then told me that she was actually worried sick, as she felt that she wasn’t ready for a baby yet.

For a moment there, Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon’s logic started to sink in. Yes, I wouldn’t want to deal with diapers and soft poos and not-so-cute constant cries in the middle of the night. I wasn’t even sure that we are financially stable enough to AFFORD a baby.

Baby is expensive. Formula milk, diapers, nursery, medicines and the lots, man, they don’t have a “small and adorable” impact on your balance sheet, however small and adorable those chubby cheeks looks. I almost broke a sweat thinking about how much a stroller and baby car seat costs.

All the while texting Z, I was feeding live updates to my husband, who has a penchant for teasing people, including Z. We were both congratulating Z and laughing at her for being rushed into the baby thing. Deep in our hearts, we were both relieved that I wasn’t pregnant yet.

Then a thought, no, a huge realization dawned upon me, hit me hard like a hammer, and I shook. I was three weeks late for my period.

I gulped and told my husband. He gulped too. We both gulped.

We quickly went to the nearest pharmacy and get a bunch of pregnancy kits. I was already sweating buckets as I drank litres of water, and then we waited and waited. The kit changes colour, a single straight line appeared, overlapped by another single red line.

I am officially pregnant.

I couldn’t believe my eyes and started to reason, perhaps there is something wrong with this kit. In truth, we just weren’t ready yet. Beside me, my husband plopped to the bed, his face ashen and worried. He remained quiet for a good 10 minutes or forever as I sniffled back tears, worried too.

What if I am not a good mother?

What if I die during delivery?

What if we can’t pay for the baby’s school and college?

What if the baby is not healthy because mommy stuff her face with junk food all the time?

What ifs kept flooding my mind ,and they somehow became these big dollops of tears, steadily pouring down my cheeks.

Then, hubs came over and consoled me. He rubbed my shoulder and say, “Tuhan nak bagi rezeki, kita kena bersyukur sayang.”

I think I must have cried for hours because I woke up the next day puffy eyed.

Four months have passed, I remembered what he said to me then and today, I feel blessed and more than happy that the baby is growing healthily inside me, Alhamdulillah.

Sure, I threw up multiple times during my first trimester and made good friends with the toilet and kitchen sinks. I can’t stand the smell of eggs and tofu and fish and oil and were put off by the lack of deodorant sticks available on the counter to combat all those smelly armpits;  but knowing for a fact that something so special and precious is coming out to see you in another 5 months, the feeling is just so overwhelming!